I am truly a mom over the top! I have been a compulsive overeater for most of my life. The first time I remember specific over the top eating behaviors was when I was 13 years old. That was 24 years ago. I started on this journey to health, to abstinence, to sanity in May, 2010. I hope that by blogging I can help, not only myself, but help others to know that they aren't alone. My tools on this journey are Overeaters Anonymous and SparkPeople.

21 is my not so lucky number!

21 pounds is what I have allowed myself to gain back.  I lost 64 pounds last year and since my ankle injury almost exactly 6 months ago I have gained 21 back.  The thing is, I would have expected a good 7-10 pound gain because I was non weight bearing for 3 weeks and in a cast for another 3.  By the time I was allowed to walk freely I was still in pain and was so out of shape that it took me a while to regain strength.  7-10 pounds would have been understandable.  21 pounds is evidence of my addiction.

I allowed myself to miss meeting after meeting.  Living in denial that I was in relapse.  When I realized I was in relapse I was, apparently, not ready to turn my will over to God.  I hope that I am now truly willing.  I want to believe that I am. 

There are positives here.  In the past I have remained in denial and in the midst of life-threatening behaviors.   In the past I haven't stopped before regaining my entire weight loss plus a significant amount.

I recognize my behaviors.  I want to get a handle on them.  I want to rediscover the threefold recovery that I was beginning last year.  Emotional, Spiritual, and Physical healing all go together on this journey.  I am determined to make all of my Saturday meetings and depending on our budget try to swing the extra gas money to make a mid-week meeting as well.

I am going to work hard to touch base with my sponsor at least twice a week.  I need to get back to making one of those times a phone call.  Email is way too easy and on the phone it is harder for me to hide things like the many Reese's Eggs I ate before Easter---so glad I only have to contend with them once a year...until the Reese's Christmas trees at least.

So for now I pray for release.  I pray for strength and I am forever grateful for a higher power that loves me and a group of Overeaters Anonymous member who understand me.


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