21 pounds is what I have allowed myself to gain back. I lost 64 pounds last year and since my ankle injury almost exactly 6 months ago I have gained 21 back. The thing is, I would have expected a good 7-10 pound gain because I was non weight bearing for 3 weeks and in a cast for another 3. By the time I was allowed to walk freely I was still in pain and was so out of shape that it took me a while to regain strength. 7-10 pounds would have been understandable. 21 pounds is evidence of my addiction.
I allowed myself to miss meeting after meeting. Living in denial that I was in relapse. When I realized I was in relapse I was, apparently, not ready to turn my will over to God. I hope that I am now truly willing. I want to believe that I am.
There are positives here. In the past I have remained in denial and in the midst of life-threatening behaviors. In the past I haven't stopped before regaining my entire weight loss plus a significant amount.
I recognize my behaviors. I want to get a handle on them. I want to rediscover the threefold recovery that I was beginning last year. Emotional, Spiritual, and Physical healing all go together on this journey. I am determined to make all of my Saturday meetings and depending on our budget try to swing the extra gas money to make a mid-week meeting as well.
I am going to work hard to touch base with my sponsor at least twice a week. I need to get back to making one of those times a phone call. Email is way too easy and on the phone it is harder for me to hide things like the many Reese's Eggs I ate before Easter---so glad I only have to contend with them once a year...until the Reese's Christmas trees at least.
So for now I pray for release. I pray for strength and I am forever grateful for a higher power that loves me and a group of Overeaters Anonymous member who understand me.