I am truly a mom over the top! I have been a compulsive overeater for most of my life. The first time I remember specific over the top eating behaviors was when I was 13 years old. That was 24 years ago. I started on this journey to health, to abstinence, to sanity in May, 2010. I hope that by blogging I can help, not only myself, but help others to know that they aren't alone. My tools on this journey are Overeaters Anonymous and SparkPeople.

A very tired day but I am reaching goals.

A day when you are completely wiped out for no apparent reason? That has been today. The kids have been fantastic all day but I sat on the couch this afternoon reading and fighting hard not to nod off. I got lots of sleep last night. I feel good, not sick. I started the day with a decent breakfast and got out of the house with the kids. Had a healthy lunch. A not too bad but not quite healthy snack and I am been fighting to stay awake. Oh well, that said it has been a pretty good day.

My weigh in yesterday has me at a 38 pound weight loss which is 30% of the way to my 130 pound weight loss goal.   Oh, and I finally fit into a pair of clearance slacks that I bought online after Christmas.  I couldn't get them past my calves at the beginning of January. 

I think that when I have lost weight in the past I have forgotten that rough patches are normal that plateaus are normal, that no one goes through this journey easily. We all have struggles to face and when we fail for a single meal, for a single day or for an entire week it doesn't matter as long as we find our way back to the path we want to follow.

I am so glad after such a rough 10 days ( a couple of weeks back) that I have been able to get back onto the road I want to travel. That I can share with my friends and with my team mates and find the support I need to succeed.

I can't help but worry a small bit though. Three years ago I lost 40 pounds on WW. I was following the diet but not working on my spiritual, emotional and physical health as I am this time. When I got to 40 pounds I plateaued and had two "bad" weigh ins in a row. It was like I completely gave up on myself at that point. I worry a bit that I could fall into that again. I pray that is not the case.

I am so grateful for OA because of that. I am learning that I must heal emotionally and spiritually to have lasting physical results. That without God, without my sponsor, without OA, without my tools like SP and the support of my fellow OA members and SP team mates I cannot do this.

I can't help but reiterate at this point

1. We admitted we were powerless over food — that our lives had become unmanageable.

When I walked into my first OA meeting 10 weeks ago I knew I was powerless over food. My life was completely unmanageable. My health was suffering, I was depressed, I was lethargic and sedentary, I was living well beneath my abilities. I was sad and angry and my family was suffering because of it.

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

For the past 15 years my relationship with God has been on a teeter totter. At some points I felt very close to God but at most I felt removed. I went through some rough times and where I felt the need to turn toward God I also felt abandoned by Him. I married a man who wasn't raised in church but was raised by parents who had faith. He felt uncomfortable with the entire church experience. For the past couple of years I have been struggling to find a place to worship that believes the way I (and my husband) believe. I believe in a loving and gracious God. A God who forgives, who loves, and one who doesn't hate. When I began to see what I had done to my life and began to realize that, for me, food was an addiction I was able to return to my faith. I do know that I cannot make this journey on my own and I need to heal spiritually with the help of God.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

I battle with myself to follow through on this step but I know it is worth it. I cannot be in control. I have proven to myself almost daily for 23 years that I cannot control my eating unless I can hand over my will, my life, my health to God.

I am so very grateful for all of the support I have. From my "real life" family and friends to my long time cyber friends from birth clubs and twins message boards, to the amazing people from OA and those of you here at SP.

Thanks, I know this is just the beginning!
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