I am truly a mom over the top! I have been a compulsive overeater for most of my life. The first time I remember specific over the top eating behaviors was when I was 13 years old. That was 24 years ago. I started on this journey to health, to abstinence, to sanity in May, 2010. I hope that by blogging I can help, not only myself, but help others to know that they aren't alone. My tools on this journey are Overeaters Anonymous and SparkPeople.

Finding my miracles

First, I forgot to post that when I weighed in last Sunday I was down a total of 25 pounds.  Now for today's topic:

I have spent the past 5 years or so avoiding phone calls, leaving mail unopened and not facing the issues with my defaulted student loans. I knew we couldn't afford the minimum payments that the companies would accept because I had, at that point, talked to them over and over again. I decided that being passive aggressive was my only option and mostly pretended like the problem didn't exist. Since I joined OA 6 weeks ago I have been trying to live my life more openly and more honestly. Today I got an email from a collections counselor over a Perkins Loan I had through the University and I responded. He told me that I am currently qualified to consolidate all of my loans. It will take 45-60 days to complete the process. I have to make $50 payments each month until the consolidation is final. At that point I can apply for a need based forbearance for up to 3 years which should be more than enough time to finish school.

When I am finished consolidating I will be considered current and can get financial aid again. I will never take loans out for school again but I should qualify for some small grants and my mom offered to help me out with some of the cost too. Also the loans payments will be income based so the payments should be about 1/4 what they want now.

The best part is the ability to get back into school. I have 94 of 124 hours toward a B.A. in psychology. I need to decide for sure what I want to do. I really feel like getting my degree in Special Education. It is where I spent my last two and a half years working for the school district and I loved it. The problem is that most SPED teachers have Masters degrees and I really can't wait that long to get into the work force.

I thought about computer sciences because I am so interested by it and could take around half of the classes and my final couple of gen ed classes at the community college which would be a huge savings.

I also thought about following through with the psych degree but again I would need a masters to actually use it. I want to figure out the job market too and see if there is anything out there that catches my eye and pray that most of my credits will be accepted. I think my psych credits would have to be retaken anyway because they are so old. (I haven't been enrolled in 11 years and some of the credits are 16-18 years old)

I have spent the last 10 years of my life lamenting my lack of a degree. On one of my earliest posts I told more about my college experience but to recap I went to college on an academic scholarship, I had wonderful grades in high school, I was active and involved in Theatre, Forensics (speech and debate), National Honor Society, I volunteered at the local hospital, my ACT scores were excellent. I was offered scholarships to each college that I applied to, all within a few hours of home. I left for school expecting to fly right through, to have the skills I needed to get a degree in 4 years. To get more education after that and become a clinical Psychologist. I didn't expect to be the one to fail.

I am a different person now and I am ready to be the person I always wanted to be. Not only am I taking control of my food addiction and my compulsive eating but I am waking up in other areas of my life. I wake up daily with new hope and new awareness.   I don't think that I would have ever emailed this man back if I hadn't been working the 12 steps. 


The weekend.

On Friday I woke up energized. The twins woke up happy. The baby woke up healthy. By 7:45 I couldn't stand being in the house on such a beautiful morning, the sun was shining and it was breezy and cool. I drug my children out of the house and down the street for a leisurely walk through the local cemetery. It is the perfect place to walk, well maintained paths and no traffic, lots of shade trees and interesting scenery. We walked up and down the roads and read headstones and figured out how old the really old was were (some date back to 1865) "Mom, that's even older than you" came from my 5 year old son-- and admired the little things that people had left on their loved one's stones over Memorial Day weekend.

It was such a fabulous start to the day. After our 45 minute walk (the five year olds wimped out, not me) we came home and got ready to head to the store. The kids were very good at Target, with the exception of a 20 minute debate over which coloring book to pick.

We headed out to my mom's house to visit for a little while and the baby (he's 18 months old but I refuse to stop calling him the baby) fell asleep. I took him in and laid him down on the couch and we all sat around to visit FOR TWO HOURS! The baby got a short nap but the kids all went outside and played for a while.

The kids all had such great attitudes. The baby was cracking up while watching daddy play an archery game on the Wii.

I actually had to remind myself to eat  as I was in such a good mood that food wasn't perpetually on my mind.


 Saturday was full of errands, and I managed to hit the carbs harder than I have been which doesn't thrill me but oh well, I stayed in my calories, carbs, fat and protein for the day.  I actually fell about 20 calories short for the day.   The kids played in the rain.  

Sunday was a fabulous day all around.  Went over to clean my parents' floors and took my 5 year old daughter with me.  She and my mom made bookmarks as a present for a friend while I worked.   We came home to get ready for an afternoon of swimming and playing with friends.  The afternoon turned into evening while thy shot off lots of fireworks.  I had to make do with what food was available but surrounded by hot dogs, burgers, cheese balls and pizza I still managed to stay well under 2000 calories for the day.  In the past that could have been a 3500-4000 calorie day, so I will call it a success!
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