This week marks the three month anniversary since I attended my first OA meeting. In that three months I have moved forward in so many ways.
As of yesterday I have lost 42 pounds which is just 1 pound shy of 1/3rd of the way to my goal weight. In three months time I have been abstinent for all but 5 days. I have only binged twice. I have cut out nearly all sugar from my diet. I eat fruits and vegetables daily. I have increased my protein intake to a healthy level. I drink plenty of water. I walk and/or swim almost daily. I am working much harder to keep my home organized. I am more patient with my children and am not angry all the time. My husband and I are closer these last months than we have been for a long time. He amazes me.
For 23 years food held me prisoner. I am no longer a prisoner to food. I still struggle to beat my addiction. Most days go smoothly, I set out a plan and stick to it. In times of high emotion I fight the urge to fall into old habits and I have staggered on my journey more than once. During those 23 years I have had both incredible and devastating things happen in my life. At no time was I hopeful or at peace. Not really. Never in the past, even while losing weight, did I believe that I could be happy and healthy, that my food would be under control. I am finding peace and hope now. The people around me see the light in my eyes and the lifting of my spirit. Even when I struggle the hope remains and the peace returns. I am finding my way with my higher power. I am learning about myself and my sponsor is helping. I am learning that with sharing comes strength but when I falter and seclude myself I am failing myself. I have a long way to go but I know that OA will be part of my journey forever. The best part of OA is that when you do slip you aren't judged you are welcomed and supported.
There is are so many reasons that OA (based on the model set by AA) uses a threefold approach to recovery. To recover you must heal not only physically but emotionally and spiritually as well. The spirituality aspect scares some people off. They don't want to be "preached at" so they never go to a meeting and check it out. The best part of OA's approach is that each member gets to decide what spirituality entails for herself.
I believe in a higher power that is loving, kind and gracious. I believe that God is merciful and compassionate.
I have been pulling away from my support systems the past couple of weeks and letting old behaviors creep back in. Yesterday I overate and I also ate in secret. Those are two things I have worked hard to eliminate from my life. Today I am making better choices.
Yes, I am posting yet another song :D The threefold message of the song reminds my of the threefold process in OA. Spiritual healing = FAITH, Physical healing = HOPE and Emotional healing = LOVE.
Faith, Hope & Love (Album Version) by Point Of Grace
excerpt of the lyrics:
"Faith, Hope and love
Is more than enough when times get tough
Faith, hope and love
Will tunnel through what's in front of you
If you just trust in faith, hope and love
There's a lot of things we face
That seem to pull us down
There's a lot of tears and pain
That turn our world around
Seems the hammer always falls against us
At our weakest times
But I know a power that can heal
The wounds it leaves behind
It's a stone's throw away
From anything we may face"
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I am truly a mom over the top! I have been a compulsive overeater for most of my life. The first time I remember specific over the top eating behaviors was when I was 13 years old. That was 24 years ago. I started on this journey to health, to abstinence, to sanity in May, 2010. I hope that by blogging I can help, not only myself, but help others to know that they aren't alone. My tools on this journey are Overeaters Anonymous and SparkPeople.