Weekends are rough

I try to make a nice breakfast at least one morning if not both.   This morning as I was making pancakes I was having an internal dialogue

"I can eat six pancakes, just once won't hurt"  No, I really can't.  I have to keep remembering that I have an addiction, an addiction to food and one that will kill me if I continue to let it control me.  I have to treat it that way.  As I prepared my plate I put those six pancakes on it.  Poured the syrup on and dug in.  Then I looked at my plate and cut the whole thing down the middle.   I drank my 16 ounce glass of water down before I resumed eating.  I actually ended up eating less than half and quitting when I felt full.

This is hard!

I think I am still working on accepting the fact that this is actually an addiction. It is difficult to understand that you can be addicted to something that your body needs to survive. 

It is terrible to be looked at by people who judge my weight.  It is hard to knowing that people think this is something I should be able to snap my fingers and change.  It feels like eyes are on me all the time judging my lack of control.

I hate it!