It would be nice if, just for a short amount of time, my thoughts weren't perpetually returning to food. I wish it weren't the central focus of my brain. I love my kids and want to be the best mom I can be but even making meals for them can be difficult. When I feed the youngest some yogurt I find myself taking random bites along the way, and he eats the regular stuff not the fat free artificially sweetened stuff I allow myself. I work hard to feed the kids a balanced diet but what works for them is often not what works for me. It's hard. They keep asking for snacks and I really don't have snacks in the house right now, just too tempting.
What doesn't help right now is being completely broke. We usually have apples sitting around for them to munch on but fresh fruit isn't in the budget until next week. We are subsisting on dried goods, frozen veggies, and canned fruit for the next 10 days. Plenty of food to keep us healthy and strong but it all takes prep work and God forbid you make a 5 year old wait three minutes for something.
I am very ready for my meeting tomorrow. I am focused on getting through this day successfully and I will. I will not bake because I don't have the strength of will not to eat it. I will not be lazy and make just plain pasta for dinner. I will make healthy decisions.
Something I have to remind myself of frequently is that I love myself and my family more than I could ever love food of any kind. I need to remember this as I make decisions regarding what I eat.
I am truly a mom over the top! I have been a compulsive overeater for most of my life. The first time I remember specific over the top eating behaviors was when I was 13 years old. That was 24 years ago. I started on this journey to health, to abstinence, to sanity in May, 2010. I hope that by blogging I can help, not only myself, but help others to know that they aren't alone. My tools on this journey are Overeaters Anonymous and SparkPeople.