Okay, so I am doing better. My compulsions to overeat aren't as strong as they had been. I have been eating fewer carbs and more protein. I have been up and moving more.
This weekend was a huge emotional roller coaster. Friday I accepted a job at a local daycare center and almost immediately regretted the decision. I spent most of the next seven hours sobbing. It wasn't the thought of working that had me overwrought but the thought of entirely changing our family dynamic. Luckily my husband, in all of his (if slightly belated) wisdom came to this realization as well. The benefits of me working full time were far outweighed by the sacrifices our family would have to make.
As the arrangements for the job were running through my mind I quickly realized that I would be working for just slightly more than three dollars an hour after paying child care expenses for our youngest and the twins. I have been a stay at home mom since the twins were born. We weren't planning on any of our kids going to daycare, mostly because we knew it wasn't an option with the cost of daycare for three. When I started applying for jobs several months ago it was with the understanding that I would apply for things that would either work around my husbands' schedule or there would be very little overlap allowing us to leave the two year old with someone he already knows well and the twins would have come home to her after school for just a few minutes until hubby got home.
Well, I wasn't getting interviews and I threw my hat in the ring for this job. However, when reality hit the thought of clearing $130 a week didn't seem important enough to put Chance into full time care. To make the kindergarteners spend 40 minutes on a school bus each day. To give up on all the sacrifices we had made over the past six years that allowed me to be home up to this point.
The thing is, we aren't desperate for money. Sure we are tight, we live paycheck to paycheck and sometimes "emergencies" come up but we are always able to handle them. So, for now, we are going to continue on with our family the way it is. Well, kind of. We have some plans in the works to increase my income. I have a small crochet business that has been growing slowly but we are going to add some oomph to it. My husband is going to start producing some artwork to sell. We are going to start working together to scrimp and save any little bit that we can.
Amazingly, through it all my food hasn't been terrible. Not perfect but not terrible.