One day at a time

I am trying to take this eating thing one day at a time.  I can't help but remember a hymn we sang in church when I was a child

One day at a time sweet Jesus
That’s all I’m asking of you
Just give me the strength to do everyday, what I have to do
Yesterdays gone sweet Jesus and tomorrow may never be mine
Lord help me today show me the way
One day at a time.

It has been years since I have been to church regularly, although the need to find a church where I feel that I belong has been tugging at me for a while.  I really do need a reminder to fall back on my faith when times are this difficult. 


I haven't made it to an OA meeting yet.  I plan to go on Wednesday evening.  I am hoping we can make it work out with my husbands' schedule because there is no childcare offered for this meeting.  I find solace in the fact that OA's 12 steps are faith based.

The Twelve Steps of Overeaters Anonymous

1. We admitted we were powerless over food — that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to compulsive overeaters and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

I yearn to delve deeper into myself and discover what is causing me to struggle so badly.   I see my Dr. on Tuesday and am hoping that we are in agreement over me resuming the antidepressant I used to take.  I want to feel everything I should feel again.  I am tired of moving through life thinking about when my next meal or snack will be.


Part of my blogging this evening is an avoidance tactic because we have ice cream in the freezer right now.  I have not eliminated treats like this from my life but I am trying to hold myself to no snacking in the evening.  Nothing after dinner time.   I am also working hard on eating reasonable portions when I eat a food that doesn't provide actual nutrition.  For now it is working.  I have gone down 8 pounds in three weeks.  I have a feeling that the first several pound were water weight.


I never got around to calling the eating disorders clinic on Friday so I have to do it Tuesday after the holiday weekend is over. 


I spent the day with family, enjoying the sunshine and the swimming pool.   I got exercise and had fun at the same time.


I am determined to wake up tomorrow and continue to make healthier choices.