The past two months of my life has been more than chaotic. If I didn't have OA, online meetings, f2f meetings, other OAs to call I know what I would have done. I would have gone back to being completely out of control. In the past two months we have battled rotavirus in our toddler, a child being bullied at at school, another child battling anger, our daughter was diagnosed with asthma, our car broke down, our landlords told us that they need to put our house on the market and we discovered that we still can't get financed to buy it or any other home, our money issues have been a mess, I have had chronic bronchitis for nearly a month, the kids have been battling severe allergies, our gifted son was being ignored by the staff at school, and the list goes on. To top it off my parents are gifting us with a trip to Walt Disney World next week and I sprained my ankle two days ago.
Through it all my sponsor has been beside me. When it has been overwhelming she has been able to talk me down. If I needed someone and she couldn't be reached I grabbed my phone list or wrote an email or wrote a blog entry. My food has not been spectacular through it all, it hasn't even been good but it has been okay. I have not binged (which is a huge success for me), I have not turned to sugary foods, I have not gone over my daily calories but I have been carb loading which can lead to problems for me.
The other day I realized that I haven't been reviewing the steps each day and I decided to start. I told my sponsor that my theme for each day right now is "Let go and let God". After I sprained my ankle not only was I devastated but my parents were upset by the money that has been spent to make this a fantastic vacation and now I am injured. However, after just letting go and asking my HP to take my burdens and to guide me I have been able to, with the help of family and friends, stay almost entirely off of my feet for the past couple of days. I have crutches to use for the times it just isn't possible. The big kids were taken to school yesterday by my parents and picked up by a friend. Someone else stopped and picked up soy milk for the toddler when I ran out before my husband got home from work. My ankle feels a ton better than it did two days ago and I think I will be healed enough by Monday to spend some time on my feet each day. I was a bit panicked about not having internet access while we are gone (we can't afford an extra $50 for the week) and a friend from OA handed me $10 so I can log in during the middle of the week and enter my food into sparkpeople and touch base with my sponsor and anyone else I feel a need to reach out for. I just had to share how amazing things can turn out when you allow yourself to be led and you do accept the things you can't change.
There is a serenity to be found. I can't undo my injury but I can rent a motorized cart to ride around the parks. I can't change our financial situation at the moment but I was able to talk with our landlords and they are giving us until spring to move so we have our income tax return to finance the venture with. They also gave us the name for some lenders who could possibly help. I can't be on my feet making the house sparkle before we leave but I can get the family up and working and at least get it completely picked up so we don't come home to chaos.
The whole point of this ramble is that I am incredibly grateful. I could weigh 20 pounds more than I did 8 weeks ago, instead I have lost 4-5 pounds during that time. I could have been on the path to destroying all of the progress I have made with my help but instead I am still (at least mostly) on track!
I am truly a mom over the top! I have been a compulsive overeater for most of my life. The first time I remember specific over the top eating behaviors was when I was 13 years old. That was 24 years ago. I started on this journey to health, to abstinence, to sanity in May, 2010. I hope that by blogging I can help, not only myself, but help others to know that they aren't alone. My tools on this journey are Overeaters Anonymous and SparkPeople.