A day when you are completely wiped out for no apparent reason? That has been today. The kids have been fantastic all day but I sat on the couch this afternoon reading and fighting hard not to nod off. I got lots of sleep last night. I feel good, not sick. I started the day with a decent breakfast and got out of the house with the kids. Had a healthy lunch. A not too bad but not quite healthy snack and I am been fighting to stay awake. Oh well, that said it has been a pretty good day.
My weigh in yesterday has me at a 38 pound weight loss which is 30% of the way to my 130 pound weight loss goal. Oh, and I finally fit into a pair of clearance slacks that I bought online after Christmas. I couldn't get them past my calves at the beginning of January.
I think that when I have lost weight in the past I have forgotten that rough patches are normal that plateaus are normal, that no one goes through this journey easily. We all have struggles to face and when we fail for a single meal, for a single day or for an entire week it doesn't matter as long as we find our way back to the path we want to follow.
I am so glad after such a rough 10 days ( a couple of weeks back) that I have been able to get back onto the road I want to travel. That I can share with my friends and with my team mates and find the support I need to succeed.
I can't help but worry a small bit though. Three years ago I lost 40 pounds on WW. I was following the diet but not working on my spiritual, emotional and physical health as I am this time. When I got to 40 pounds I plateaued and had two "bad" weigh ins in a row. It was like I completely gave up on myself at that point. I worry a bit that I could fall into that again. I pray that is not the case.
I am so grateful for OA because of that. I am learning that I must heal emotionally and spiritually to have lasting physical results. That without God, without my sponsor, without OA, without my tools like SP and the support of my fellow OA members and SP team mates I cannot do this.
I can't help but reiterate at this point
1. We admitted we were powerless over food — that our lives had become unmanageable.
When I walked into my first OA meeting 10 weeks ago I knew I was powerless over food. My life was completely unmanageable. My health was suffering, I was depressed, I was lethargic and sedentary, I was living well beneath my abilities. I was sad and angry and my family was suffering because of it.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
For the past 15 years my relationship with God has been on a teeter totter. At some points I felt very close to God but at most I felt removed. I went through some rough times and where I felt the need to turn toward God I also felt abandoned by Him. I married a man who wasn't raised in church but was raised by parents who had faith. He felt uncomfortable with the entire church experience. For the past couple of years I have been struggling to find a place to worship that believes the way I (and my husband) believe. I believe in a loving and gracious God. A God who forgives, who loves, and one who doesn't hate. When I began to see what I had done to my life and began to realize that, for me, food was an addiction I was able to return to my faith. I do know that I cannot make this journey on my own and I need to heal spiritually with the help of God.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
I battle with myself to follow through on this step but I know it is worth it. I cannot be in control. I have proven to myself almost daily for 23 years that I cannot control my eating unless I can hand over my will, my life, my health to God.
I am so very grateful for all of the support I have. From my "real life" family and friends to my long time cyber friends from birth clubs and twins message boards, to the amazing people from OA and those of you here at SP.
Thanks, I know this is just the beginning!
The past month has been crazy
Early in July I asked someone from my Face to Face OA meetings to sponsor me. She accepted. We just started working together so I still have a long way to go but I have a tour guide for the rest of the journey.
I hit a 10% weight loss which was 28 pounds gone. I went from having triple digits of weight to lose to "only" having double digits. Amazing really.
I sliced my hand open on a plastic strawberry container, it was pretty deep and located on my palm from my thumb to the valley between my index and middle fingers. Surprisingly painful and difficult to heal. I ended up using sterile surgical strips to keep it closed so it wouldn't reopen each time I moved it. I ended up losing a couple of weeks of crocheting time because of it but oh well.
I became lackadaisical, completely unmotivated about my journey to recovery. The first symptom of this was my lack of passion to blog. It didn't really hit me that I was losing my way until I ate a trigger food (chocolate chip cookies) and luckily my family was eating too or I would have finished two dozen on my own. As it was I ate three servings.
My husband was on vacation for 9 days. We enjoyed our time together. We spent time sight seeing around Kansas City, doing things we don't normally take the time to do. We also spent two days in Omaha going to the Strategic Air Command Museum and the Henry Doorly Zoo. Both were amazing. Even though I planned and packed snacks ahead of time I veered way off of my plan while we were gone and neglected to use SparkPeople to track the food I did eat, even though I had internet access several times during the short trip.
Last Friday night I had my first full fledged binge in months. I was terribly sad afterward. I ate until I was way past full. I ate while I was alone. I ate food that wasn't good for me. It was difficult to sleep that night and my OA meeting was Saturday morning. I admitted what had happened at the meeting and was met with acceptance and love. The binge was a wake-up call. It let me know how far I was slipping. It reminded me that I still have lots of work ahead of me and it has made me realize how precious each binge free day so far has been. I am looking forward to lots more. I have to head out now. I am calling my sponsor in a bit. We get to talk about life and food and OA.
Oh, I almost forgot one of the best parts. I have lost 35.5 pounds. I am now just under 250 pounds. It is pretty amazing to no longer be able to say "I am almost 300 pounds".
I hit a 10% weight loss which was 28 pounds gone. I went from having triple digits of weight to lose to "only" having double digits. Amazing really.
I sliced my hand open on a plastic strawberry container, it was pretty deep and located on my palm from my thumb to the valley between my index and middle fingers. Surprisingly painful and difficult to heal. I ended up using sterile surgical strips to keep it closed so it wouldn't reopen each time I moved it. I ended up losing a couple of weeks of crocheting time because of it but oh well.
I became lackadaisical, completely unmotivated about my journey to recovery. The first symptom of this was my lack of passion to blog. It didn't really hit me that I was losing my way until I ate a trigger food (chocolate chip cookies) and luckily my family was eating too or I would have finished two dozen on my own. As it was I ate three servings.
My husband was on vacation for 9 days. We enjoyed our time together. We spent time sight seeing around Kansas City, doing things we don't normally take the time to do. We also spent two days in Omaha going to the Strategic Air Command Museum and the Henry Doorly Zoo. Both were amazing. Even though I planned and packed snacks ahead of time I veered way off of my plan while we were gone and neglected to use SparkPeople to track the food I did eat, even though I had internet access several times during the short trip.
Last Friday night I had my first full fledged binge in months. I was terribly sad afterward. I ate until I was way past full. I ate while I was alone. I ate food that wasn't good for me. It was difficult to sleep that night and my OA meeting was Saturday morning. I admitted what had happened at the meeting and was met with acceptance and love. The binge was a wake-up call. It let me know how far I was slipping. It reminded me that I still have lots of work ahead of me and it has made me realize how precious each binge free day so far has been. I am looking forward to lots more. I have to head out now. I am calling my sponsor in a bit. We get to talk about life and food and OA.
Oh, I almost forgot one of the best parts. I have lost 35.5 pounds. I am now just under 250 pounds. It is pretty amazing to no longer be able to say "I am almost 300 pounds".
Finding my miracles
First, I forgot to post that when I weighed in last Sunday I was down a total of 25 pounds. Now for today's topic:
I have spent the past 5 years or so avoiding phone calls, leaving mail unopened and not facing the issues with my defaulted student loans. I knew we couldn't afford the minimum payments that the companies would accept because I had, at that point, talked to them over and over again. I decided that being passive aggressive was my only option and mostly pretended like the problem didn't exist. Since I joined OA 6 weeks ago I have been trying to live my life more openly and more honestly. Today I got an email from a collections counselor over a Perkins Loan I had through the University and I responded. He told me that I am currently qualified to consolidate all of my loans. It will take 45-60 days to complete the process. I have to make $50 payments each month until the consolidation is final. At that point I can apply for a need based forbearance for up to 3 years which should be more than enough time to finish school.
When I am finished consolidating I will be considered current and can get financial aid again. I will never take loans out for school again but I should qualify for some small grants and my mom offered to help me out with some of the cost too. Also the loans payments will be income based so the payments should be about 1/4 what they want now.
The best part is the ability to get back into school. I have 94 of 124 hours toward a B.A. in psychology. I need to decide for sure what I want to do. I really feel like getting my degree in Special Education. It is where I spent my last two and a half years working for the school district and I loved it. The problem is that most SPED teachers have Masters degrees and I really can't wait that long to get into the work force.
I thought about computer sciences because I am so interested by it and could take around half of the classes and my final couple of gen ed classes at the community college which would be a huge savings.
I also thought about following through with the psych degree but again I would need a masters to actually use it. I want to figure out the job market too and see if there is anything out there that catches my eye and pray that most of my credits will be accepted. I think my psych credits would have to be retaken anyway because they are so old. (I haven't been enrolled in 11 years and some of the credits are 16-18 years old)
I have spent the last 10 years of my life lamenting my lack of a degree. On one of my earliest posts I told more about my college experience but to recap I went to college on an academic scholarship, I had wonderful grades in high school, I was active and involved in Theatre, Forensics (speech and debate), National Honor Society, I volunteered at the local hospital, my ACT scores were excellent. I was offered scholarships to each college that I applied to, all within a few hours of home. I left for school expecting to fly right through, to have the skills I needed to get a degree in 4 years. To get more education after that and become a clinical Psychologist. I didn't expect to be the one to fail.
I am a different person now and I am ready to be the person I always wanted to be. Not only am I taking control of my food addiction and my compulsive eating but I am waking up in other areas of my life. I wake up daily with new hope and new awareness. I don't think that I would have ever emailed this man back if I hadn't been working the 12 steps.
I have spent the past 5 years or so avoiding phone calls, leaving mail unopened and not facing the issues with my defaulted student loans. I knew we couldn't afford the minimum payments that the companies would accept because I had, at that point, talked to them over and over again. I decided that being passive aggressive was my only option and mostly pretended like the problem didn't exist. Since I joined OA 6 weeks ago I have been trying to live my life more openly and more honestly. Today I got an email from a collections counselor over a Perkins Loan I had through the University and I responded. He told me that I am currently qualified to consolidate all of my loans. It will take 45-60 days to complete the process. I have to make $50 payments each month until the consolidation is final. At that point I can apply for a need based forbearance for up to 3 years which should be more than enough time to finish school.
When I am finished consolidating I will be considered current and can get financial aid again. I will never take loans out for school again but I should qualify for some small grants and my mom offered to help me out with some of the cost too. Also the loans payments will be income based so the payments should be about 1/4 what they want now.
The best part is the ability to get back into school. I have 94 of 124 hours toward a B.A. in psychology. I need to decide for sure what I want to do. I really feel like getting my degree in Special Education. It is where I spent my last two and a half years working for the school district and I loved it. The problem is that most SPED teachers have Masters degrees and I really can't wait that long to get into the work force.
I thought about computer sciences because I am so interested by it and could take around half of the classes and my final couple of gen ed classes at the community college which would be a huge savings.
I also thought about following through with the psych degree but again I would need a masters to actually use it. I want to figure out the job market too and see if there is anything out there that catches my eye and pray that most of my credits will be accepted. I think my psych credits would have to be retaken anyway because they are so old. (I haven't been enrolled in 11 years and some of the credits are 16-18 years old)
I have spent the last 10 years of my life lamenting my lack of a degree. On one of my earliest posts I told more about my college experience but to recap I went to college on an academic scholarship, I had wonderful grades in high school, I was active and involved in Theatre, Forensics (speech and debate), National Honor Society, I volunteered at the local hospital, my ACT scores were excellent. I was offered scholarships to each college that I applied to, all within a few hours of home. I left for school expecting to fly right through, to have the skills I needed to get a degree in 4 years. To get more education after that and become a clinical Psychologist. I didn't expect to be the one to fail.
I am a different person now and I am ready to be the person I always wanted to be. Not only am I taking control of my food addiction and my compulsive eating but I am waking up in other areas of my life. I wake up daily with new hope and new awareness. I don't think that I would have ever emailed this man back if I hadn't been working the 12 steps.
The weekend.
On Friday I woke up energized. The twins woke up happy. The baby woke up healthy. By 7:45 I couldn't stand being in the house on such a beautiful morning, the sun was shining and it was breezy and cool. I drug my children out of the house and down the street for a leisurely walk through the local cemetery. It is the perfect place to walk, well maintained paths and no traffic, lots of shade trees and interesting scenery. We walked up and down the roads and read headstones and figured out how old the really old was were (some date back to 1865) "Mom, that's even older than you" came from my 5 year old son-- and admired the little things that people had left on their loved one's stones over Memorial Day weekend.
It was such a fabulous start to the day. After our 45 minute walk (the five year olds wimped out, not me) we came home and got ready to head to the store. The kids were very good at Target, with the exception of a 20 minute debate over which coloring book to pick.
We headed out to my mom's house to visit for a little while and the baby (he's 18 months old but I refuse to stop calling him the baby) fell asleep. I took him in and laid him down on the couch and we all sat around to visit FOR TWO HOURS! The baby got a short nap but the kids all went outside and played for a while.
The kids all had such great attitudes. The baby was cracking up while watching daddy play an archery game on the Wii.
I actually had to remind myself to eat as I was in such a good mood that food wasn't perpetually on my mind.
Saturday was full of errands, and I managed to hit the carbs harder than I have been which doesn't thrill me but oh well, I stayed in my calories, carbs, fat and protein for the day. I actually fell about 20 calories short for the day. The kids played in the rain.
Sunday was a fabulous day all around. Went over to clean my parents' floors and took my 5 year old daughter with me. She and my mom made bookmarks as a present for a friend while I worked. We came home to get ready for an afternoon of swimming and playing with friends. The afternoon turned into evening while thy shot off lots of fireworks. I had to make do with what food was available but surrounded by hot dogs, burgers, cheese balls and pizza I still managed to stay well under 2000 calories for the day. In the past that could have been a 3500-4000 calorie day, so I will call it a success!
It was such a fabulous start to the day. After our 45 minute walk (the five year olds wimped out, not me) we came home and got ready to head to the store. The kids were very good at Target, with the exception of a 20 minute debate over which coloring book to pick.
We headed out to my mom's house to visit for a little while and the baby (he's 18 months old but I refuse to stop calling him the baby) fell asleep. I took him in and laid him down on the couch and we all sat around to visit FOR TWO HOURS! The baby got a short nap but the kids all went outside and played for a while.
The kids all had such great attitudes. The baby was cracking up while watching daddy play an archery game on the Wii.
I actually had to remind myself to eat as I was in such a good mood that food wasn't perpetually on my mind.
Sunday was a fabulous day all around. Went over to clean my parents' floors and took my 5 year old daughter with me. She and my mom made bookmarks as a present for a friend while I worked. We came home to get ready for an afternoon of swimming and playing with friends. The afternoon turned into evening while thy shot off lots of fireworks. I had to make do with what food was available but surrounded by hot dogs, burgers, cheese balls and pizza I still managed to stay well under 2000 calories for the day. In the past that could have been a 3500-4000 calorie day, so I will call it a success!
It's a New Day!
A New Day---Tamar
Say goodbye, say goodbye to the way I was before
Say hello, say hello to a new way
I was lost, but I found what I was looking for
Waking up, waking up to a new day
Cause everything, everything ends at the start
I'm healing and feeling all of my scars
Say hello, say hello to a new way
I was lost, but I found what I was looking for
Waking up, waking up to a new day
Cause everything, everything ends at the start
I'm healing and feeling all of my scars
This song was on during the premier of ABC Family's new show HUGE. It couldn't state how I feel any better. I am no longer going to be the person I was before. I am learning how to heal myself and treat myself the way that I deserve. I am waking up each day appreciating all I have. I am finding myself and finding my way in this new world of health and each day I discover something new. Please click on the YouTube link and listen to the whole song. It is truly wonderful.
I can do this. I might get discouraged sometimes but I refuse to give up. As I am able to play on the floor with my kids for a little longer each day or when I feel like taking a spur of the moment walk at 9 p.m. or when I play airplane with my 18 month old I know that I need to live my life knowing that every day is new. Every day is a fresh start. Every day is a new opportunity to get things right.
When I go through my daily battle with food I am so grateful for the people around me. I have a wonderful support system. My husband is amazing. He helps to keep me centered and on track. My mom is always there to help, to listen, to help direct me. Even my daughter has been getting into the spirit by reminding me to track my food on SparkPeople. SP has been an amazing support for me. I have been a member of a small message board for 5 years now composed mostly of parents of twins. The men and women there are a constant encouragement to each other to be our absolute best. My Dr. is also a great support and has already helped me get a good start on this journey.
Right now I am most grateful that I went to that first OA meeting 4 weeks ago. I really think that it is a decision that has saved my life. It is amazing to hear the stories of other people who have struggled with the same things I battle through each day and see that they have worked the program and are living their recoveries. They are such inspirations and it is so amazing to see that they keep coming back for 10 and 20t and 30 years because they know it is what keeps them sane and able to be healthy.
I do wish that I could attend more than one face to face meeting each week but it isn't working out because of the kiddos and our schedule. However I have found The Recovery Group which is an online OA program. I am just beginning orientation and look forward to having this additional OA tool as I go through the twelve steps. I am still working on Step 3 "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. " Handing things over and accepting that I can't do this on my own are difficult for me to follow through on. Cognitively it is easy to recognize that this is what I need to do but actually doing it is far more difficult than I thought it would be.
I see my Dr. this week for a med check and to talk to her about my progress this far. I am hoping that we are once again in sync about where to go from here.
Catching up
Sunday, June 27th:
What is it Murphy's Law says? "Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong"? Today Murphy's law ruled our lives. We had a family lunch at my mom's favorite restaurant for her birthday. My daughter kept having meltdowns for no apparent reason, every little thing was setting her off. The baby fell asleep one minute before we pulled into the parking lot so he wasn't too thrilled with life either. We went inside and the server tried to seat our party of 9 at a table for 6. There is no way with 2 young kids and a toddler that the rest of us were willing to be that crowded. The hostess them moved us across the restaurant and attempted to seat us at the exact same table while looking frustrated when we asked for two tables to be pushed together. Lunch was by far too yummy. The baby didn't fall asleep in the car afterward so we arrived at my parents' house with the 18 month old bouncing off of walls in an attempt to stay awake. We had "cake" which was supposed to be lower calorie reduced fat Carrot Cake which is usually amazing, instead my parents picked up Cheesecake.
I completely flaked. Could not look at the chocolate cheesecake without losing my sanity. Seriously. It was Cheesecake Factory cheesecake, the commercial kind so at least the slices were small. I had a slice and a half though. Since part of my plan of eating is avoiding high fat high sugar foods after a month of abstinence I am back to day one. When we left my parent's house the baby fell asleep in the car within two minutes. 5 minutes after that we pulled into the driveway, came in the house and I put him to bed. At almost 3:00 when his nap is usually right after noon. The twins asked to play the Wii and while they were fighting AT THREE FIFTEEN they woke their baby brother up and there was no getting him back to sleep.
At this point Chance, the baby, started coughing. A very nasty croupy cough. Patience kept having melt down after meltdown. The only one who was well behaved and in a decent mood all day was Christian which was a super big relief with the other two acting like nut puppies. Anyhow the baby wouldn't leave my lap, he was exhausted and feeling crappy at that point, he would cry each time he coughed.
My wonderful husband left to get a haircut and put gas in MY car. He took Christian with him so the twins would no longer be fighting. They walked back in the door two minutes later because my car was dead.
After hours of hassling with that it looks like we have a dead battery that is completely toast because of an electrical short. We can't really deal with the short ourselves so while we think it is linked to the stereo system that fuse is pulled and we will have no music in the car :( That will not keep me sane. I must have my Josh Groban to bring peace to my soul each day...lol. This comes a week after spending $400+ on new tires for my car. We are looking at a minimum of around $150 for a battery and we have no idea what the wiring could cost to fix if we can't find someone with the know how to help out.
Anyhow, I am back on track after allowing a stressful day to push me to old habits of eating past full and eating the high fat high sugar foods that I KNOW I need to avoid.
I am hoping that little man wakes up healthy in the morning and that he isn't up several times tonight.
Saturday, June 26th: It's the weekend
The weekend should be a time to relax, to unwind at the end of a busy week
but it seems that most weekends we spend running or catching up on chores that we didn't have the time to do during the week, grocery shopping, lawn mowing, errand running and this weekend is no different except we add celebrating my mom's birthday to tomorrow when I clean her floors and my husband mows my grandmother's lawn.
I do like the way Saturdays are starting for me now though. My OA meeting is at 8 a.m. on Saturday mornings. It is a great way to start the weekend. With a reminder to be strong and to stay away from situations that will lead to a binge. Sharing with people who understand this battle with food addiction. This struggle to stop letting food run and ruin my life.
Friday, June 25th: Sick kid drama
My oldest son came up with a mystery fever two days ago with chills and just felt crummy, the baby woke up feverish and cranky this morning, my daughter started the day cranky and it went downhill from there with a low fever and chills coming on this afternoon. Her twin brother is still feverish 48 hours into this with no outward symptoms other than just not feeling "good". I am sure I will fall to it next.
My husband isn't home this evening and I needed some time out of the house so the kids and I took a drive to Sonic. I researched before I headed out and got a Diet Dr. Pepper and a grilled chicken sandwich. I did end up with half of an order of regular tater tots but fell well within my ranges today.
My plantar fasciitis is horrible today. Even with my foot up it is throbbing. I have tried stretches and ibuprofen to gain no relief so I simply wasn't active today, mostly sitting around on the couch hanging out with crummy feeling kids.
I have my face to face OA meeting in the morning. I am really looking forward to it. It has been kind of a rough week with me overeating a few times. I haven't gone into a binge and I haven't killed my daily goals but I want to stop at full and several times this week I haven't done that. I had been really good my first few weeks on the program and now I am feeling like I am off track.
The difference between now and the past is getting a little off track isn't going to keep me from righting my course and moving forward. I might slip but I will not fail this time.
Can't wait until the kids are in bed for the night and I have some time to crochet in front of a grown up TV program.
What is it Murphy's Law says? "Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong"? Today Murphy's law ruled our lives. We had a family lunch at my mom's favorite restaurant for her birthday. My daughter kept having meltdowns for no apparent reason, every little thing was setting her off. The baby fell asleep one minute before we pulled into the parking lot so he wasn't too thrilled with life either. We went inside and the server tried to seat our party of 9 at a table for 6. There is no way with 2 young kids and a toddler that the rest of us were willing to be that crowded. The hostess them moved us across the restaurant and attempted to seat us at the exact same table while looking frustrated when we asked for two tables to be pushed together. Lunch was by far too yummy. The baby didn't fall asleep in the car afterward so we arrived at my parents' house with the 18 month old bouncing off of walls in an attempt to stay awake. We had "cake" which was supposed to be lower calorie reduced fat Carrot Cake which is usually amazing, instead my parents picked up Cheesecake.
I completely flaked. Could not look at the chocolate cheesecake without losing my sanity. Seriously. It was Cheesecake Factory cheesecake, the commercial kind so at least the slices were small. I had a slice and a half though. Since part of my plan of eating is avoiding high fat high sugar foods after a month of abstinence I am back to day one. When we left my parent's house the baby fell asleep in the car within two minutes. 5 minutes after that we pulled into the driveway, came in the house and I put him to bed. At almost 3:00 when his nap is usually right after noon. The twins asked to play the Wii and while they were fighting AT THREE FIFTEEN they woke their baby brother up and there was no getting him back to sleep.
At this point Chance, the baby, started coughing. A very nasty croupy cough. Patience kept having melt down after meltdown. The only one who was well behaved and in a decent mood all day was Christian which was a super big relief with the other two acting like nut puppies. Anyhow the baby wouldn't leave my lap, he was exhausted and feeling crappy at that point, he would cry each time he coughed.
My wonderful husband left to get a haircut and put gas in MY car. He took Christian with him so the twins would no longer be fighting. They walked back in the door two minutes later because my car was dead.
After hours of hassling with that it looks like we have a dead battery that is completely toast because of an electrical short. We can't really deal with the short ourselves so while we think it is linked to the stereo system that fuse is pulled and we will have no music in the car :( That will not keep me sane. I must have my Josh Groban to bring peace to my soul each day...lol. This comes a week after spending $400+ on new tires for my car. We are looking at a minimum of around $150 for a battery and we have no idea what the wiring could cost to fix if we can't find someone with the know how to help out.
Anyhow, I am back on track after allowing a stressful day to push me to old habits of eating past full and eating the high fat high sugar foods that I KNOW I need to avoid.
I am hoping that little man wakes up healthy in the morning and that he isn't up several times tonight.
Saturday, June 26th: It's the weekend
The weekend should be a time to relax, to unwind at the end of a busy week
but it seems that most weekends we spend running or catching up on chores that we didn't have the time to do during the week, grocery shopping, lawn mowing, errand running and this weekend is no different except we add celebrating my mom's birthday to tomorrow when I clean her floors and my husband mows my grandmother's lawn. I do like the way Saturdays are starting for me now though. My OA meeting is at 8 a.m. on Saturday mornings. It is a great way to start the weekend. With a reminder to be strong and to stay away from situations that will lead to a binge. Sharing with people who understand this battle with food addiction. This struggle to stop letting food run and ruin my life.
Friday, June 25th: Sick kid drama
My oldest son came up with a mystery fever two days ago with chills and just felt crummy, the baby woke up feverish and cranky this morning, my daughter started the day cranky and it went downhill from there with a low fever and chills coming on this afternoon. Her twin brother is still feverish 48 hours into this with no outward symptoms other than just not feeling "good". I am sure I will fall to it next.
My husband isn't home this evening and I needed some time out of the house so the kids and I took a drive to Sonic. I researched before I headed out and got a Diet Dr. Pepper and a grilled chicken sandwich. I did end up with half of an order of regular tater tots but fell well within my ranges today.
My plantar fasciitis is horrible today. Even with my foot up it is throbbing. I have tried stretches and ibuprofen to gain no relief so I simply wasn't active today, mostly sitting around on the couch hanging out with crummy feeling kids.
I have my face to face OA meeting in the morning. I am really looking forward to it. It has been kind of a rough week with me overeating a few times. I haven't gone into a binge and I haven't killed my daily goals but I want to stop at full and several times this week I haven't done that. I had been really good my first few weeks on the program and now I am feeling like I am off track.
The difference between now and the past is getting a little off track isn't going to keep me from righting my course and moving forward. I might slip but I will not fail this time.
Can't wait until the kids are in bed for the night and I have some time to crochet in front of a grown up TV program.
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